One More Time

"One more time?"  she says as she hold up her chubby index fingers.  From the minute we arrive at the playground lately, I hear, "One more slide?" or, "One more swing?" or, "One more climb?"  I don't really know where Stella got the phrase, but it makes me think about how, at two years old, she already knows fun has a time limit.

I try to tell her we can slide or swing or climb to her heart's content.  It's a heavy feeling, but Stella's "one more time" sentiments seem to be mirroring how I've often felt about motherhood.  Even when I try my hardest to stay positive and "in the moment" with my daughter, I am acutely aware of how quickly time is passing.  She's almost too big to be held like a baby, she's outgrowing clothing and shoes left and right, her vocabulary is exploding and she changes in tangible ways a bit every day.  I have found myself asking God the same question since Stella was born - "one more time, God?"  One more baby bath in the sink, one more breastfeeding session, one more bottle, one more first step...

God give me strength and focus to live in today.  You have given me an incredible gift, to be the mother of this beautiful child.  Please help us both to realize that you've got great things planned around every corner of this journey - even if it means saying goodbye to some of the previous chapters. 

Sacajawea

Thanks to the awesome generosity of friends from church, Tim and I had a date in Boston for the Red Sox v. Yankees game on Saturday afternoon.  I had been looking forward to the game for a few weeks, but I'm not joking when I say things started to go wrong literally from the moment I woke up. 

I woke up at 4:30 that morning and could not fall back to sleep for a long while - too excited.  At some point, I did indeed drift off again.  I had set my alarm for 7am because I had a meeting in Portsmouth for a potential cleaning job that morning; only I accidentally turned the ringer off before I went to bed on Friday night.  Tim woke me up at 7:36 because he remembered me saying I needed to be up early...I had to be out the door by 7:45.  Don't you hate that feeling?  It's never good when your day starts in panic mode.

I made it to my meeting and, afterward, drove to my gym to take a Zumba class I had been looking forward to; however, I had the class schedule mixed up in my head and arrived over an hour early and didn't have time to stay for the actual class at 10:15. 

Home I went where I proceeded to rush around for a few hours trying to knock off a few things from my to-do list (to make myself feel better about the morning)...of course, I added too much to my plate in too short a time.  And, to top it all off, my dog ate my favorite lip-stick just as we were headed out the door.

We got to the Boston, after a very quiet ride, and immediately we had difficulty finding parking because we didn't bother to notice that not only was there a Red Sox/Yankees game that afternoon, but the Bruins were also in the playoffs and Comic Con was happening in the city - all on a beautiful, sunny, spring afternoon perfect for everyone, and their mother, to visit Boston. 

After we found an open parking garage, Tim and I had a disagreement on the streets on our way to the Prudential Center for lunch.  A project Tim wanted to research for church was somewhat of a wash when a very common spot he needed to visit was closed for a private party.  When we tried to take the T to Fenway (to save time) we thought we accidentally bought $20 worth of T-tokens (actually $1 Sacajawea Coins, we realized much later) - and we ended up walking afterall.  At that point I had HAD IT with the day.

And, the Red Sox lost - which, in a weird way, was the least disappointing thing that happened all day.

We did have fun at the game.  We even made it up on the big screen during Sweet Caroline...which is possibly one of the coolest things that's ever happened in my life!

Now that I've had twenty four hours to digest the experience, I'm unpacking what happened yesterday and I've come to several conclusions:

• I get easily disappointed when things don't go according to plan.
• I hate that I get so easily disappointed when things don't go according to plan.
• When I get disappointed because things don't go according to plan I feel even more disappointed in myself for being that kind of a person.
• Having rigid expectations about how things are going to go doesn't usually work in my favor.
• My husband is generally optimistic and flexible...I am generally not.
• It helps to feel understood when I have a bad day.
• I need to give myself (and others) more grace. 

I'm seriously considering carrying around the $15 in Sacajawea Coins as a reminder to myself of these lessons learned, except I seriously need some new lipstick.

Stella's First REAL haircut!

About three months ago, I decided to "trim" Stella's bangs.  What was meant to be a trim turned out to be a hack-job that ended in Stella looking like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.  Google a photo if you don't know who I'm talking about.

Anyhoo - I promised myself (and Stella) no more home hair-cuts from now on.  I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into when I got a coupon for Great Clips in Dover in the mail - I mean, how good would the haircut really be for $4.95?  Well, better than my attempts, for sure!  Our stylist, Linda, was lovely to Stella and made her feel special for her first experience at the hair-dresser.  They keep a record of what kind of cut they did so that, if you want the same thing next time, it's all in their system and anyone could do it for you.  Stella was an angel in the hairdresser's chair.  Eventually, she will have a bob with bangs, stacked in the back - right now she has some baby version of that which will help tame her hair in the meantime.  Here are some before, during and after shots of the big girl getting her first haircut!

A little concerned before the cut.

Like a zombie DURING the cut.

Happy as a clam, with her promised lollipop, AFTER the cut.

Checking herself out at Papa Gino's, pizza to celebrate the occasion!

Love this little one so much!

Cracking Up!

This picture of Stella totally cracks me up:

I was doing my nails while Stella played in her sandbox.  She got interested in what I was doing and decided to help me out.  I don't know why this photo makes me laugh out loud each time I see it, but it does.  It helps me to remember how very much I enjoy spending time with Stella.  She is hilarious - like at two years old she has an actual sense of humor, a good sense of humor.  I'm almost nervous for how witty she will be as she grows up!  She loves making us laugh.  She is so joyful and so intelligent.  There's no one else with whom I'd rather spend my days!

If You Need Me...

I'll be here all summer if you're looking for me (or looking for Stella, for that matter):

Thanks Grammy Suze!  You've greatly improved our summertime play!

Stella's Amazing Dance Moves

In lieu of a traditional birthday party this year, we decided to take Stella to the Boston Children's Museum.  Since she just turned two, we figured it was probably the last year before she'd start knowing it was her birthday and possibly expecting a party of some sorts...so, we took advantage of her oblivion, and none of us was dissapointed by our decision to spend the day as a family instead!  Our favorite part:  Stella's amazing dance moves (see below):

You know your kid has talent when complete strangers stop to laugh at her...errr, I mean, watch her.

Family.

We had a low-key Easter here at home - Tim was up before the sunrise to preach at our church's Easter Sunrise Service this morning.  Then we attended church together and celebrated the real reason for this holiday, the resurrection of Jesus - hallelujah!  As time goes on, I am more and more thankful for our church family and for the chance to be a part of it all.  It was great to celebrate this important day with people we love.

For the past week, Stella and I have been visiting with family on Cape Cod.  It was a great time seeing our newest generation of cousins play together and enjoy each other.  Here are some of my favorite photos from the visit:

Just arrived at mimi's...I've got something up my sleeve...

Coloring before breakfast.

Bathtime in mimi's awesome tub!

Popsicle Picnic with cousins!

Zion!

Xavier!

Dying Easter Eggs.

Eating Cupcakes!

Hugging Cousins!

Easter Egg Hunt.

Newest Addition to the Family: Winona!

Bathtime with Cousins.

Stella Turns TWO!

Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to the sweetest two year old I have ever known - my Stella Bella!

In case blogs still exist when you're old enough to read this, I figured I'd post some letters written by me and your dad last night on the eve of your second birthday.  You are the apple of our eyes and the joy of our hearts!

April 3, 2012
Dear Stella Bella,

Happy, Happy birthday!  The past two years have been truly unbelievable.  God has used you to show me what joy-filled living feels like every day.  I cannot recall any other time in my life where I have felt so consistently in the center of His will as I have since you arrived.  Since the day you were born you have been such a delight.  You are beautiful, funny, joy-radiating, gentle, confident, fearless, and so much more.  I am amazed by your intelligence and how your eyes are so open to this world.  There is no doubt in my mind our Lord has an awesome, awesome plan for your life.  You are a gift from God and I'm am proud and honored to be your mom.

All Love,
Momma

Stella,

Everyday, I wait to see pictures of you and your mom that she texts to me.  Everyday, I anticipate coming home, opening the door, and hearing your precious, little voice say, "It's daddy...hi daddy!"  Everyday, I wonder if you'll let me be the one who puts you to bed.  I love being your dad, and when I pray for you, I often pray that your unshakable faith in Jesus would make my faith look pale in comparison.

I love you and am so blessed by every moment we have together.  In you, I have started to grasp what it means that God loves us as His children.  You bring me joy, you make me smile, and I love you more each day.

Love Always,
Dad

Truths.

This evening Stella grabs my face in her hands after bathtime and says to me, "Listen!  You are kind, you are smart, you are important.  God loves you very much!"  Needless to say, I cried.  I know she is just parroting things we say to her each night, but I'm hoping these words will sink deep into her heart as she grows up - knowing how very much she is loved by her parents and by her Creator.  I'm thankful the truths she hears are already sticking at an early age.

Little monkey sat in the sand on a recent walk we took...love this pic.