Saying "no."

This past month has been mentally exhausting.  I don't think I really processed through it until now, when I feel like I can finally breathe.  It was around Thanksgiving that Tim asked me to teach at a church event called the Family Ministries Summit.  Tim, being the Director of Family Ministries, was co-directing this day-long conference on February 11th, 2012; the conference covered topics from parenting to marriage to finances to dating, and everything in between.  Because of our experience this fall in a Crown Financial Ministries small group, Tim thought it would be a good idea for me to teach on How To Stretch A Buck.  I said "yes" thinking, "It's next year?...Sure thing!" and without much consideration for how much deadlines and teaching prep stress me out!  I have a problem - I love teaching, but I strongly dislike the work that goes into preparing to teach.  I enjoy the actual experience but the background work, the time, the effort and the thoughts that go into lesson planning are generally overwhelming to me.

The class went well - I think it was helpful, we had people from all different walks of life in attendance, and Tim helped with one section by sharing on a biblical view of money.  However, I made him promise me the day before the Summit that he wouldn't ask me to teach again - even if, the day after, I told him that I really enjoyed it and looked forward to next year.  I knew I'd feel like the whole thing was great after it was all over, and, sure enough, that's exactly how I felt.  It reminded me, in a distant way, of childbirth.  We had an amazing birth experience overall (especially in hindsight), but if you replayed Stella's birth moment-by-moment you would have undoubtedly heard me saying that I couldn't do it or that I wanted to die or that I needed someone to "please God HELP ME!"  Obviously, teaching prep doesn't quite compare to natural childbirth, but you get the gist.

In the days since the Summit is over, I've been trying to figure out what about the experience was so exhausting.  I think I've come up with the answer.  Since becoming a mom I don't live in a world of deadlines and teaching prep.  I don't have a boss who expects certain things of me.  I don't have volunteers, students and fellow employees who are depending on me to get the job done.  My life has been converted to a level of simplicity I haven't known in years.  I've hit my groove with motherhood and I am in love with my daughter and the job of taking care of her.  God has given me gifts and things to share, but my number one job is Stella; when I have something hanging over my head that is distracting me from this first-rate job I can get easily overwhelmed.  Part of being a good mom is learning when to say "no."