You See Something Else.

I love being a mom.  This is where I'm meant to be in my life and I know it with all I have in me.  But today I hit the end of my rope. 

The dogs were pulling me on our walk and Stella was in the baby backpack pulling my hair over and over again...HARD...I felt like I couldn't show her "gentle" one more time.  I lost my patience, raised my voice and grabbed her wrist.  She cried.  I got home and she was in a full meltdown after breakfast with another very dirty diaper.  I held it together until she fell asleep for her nap three hours earlier than normal - she was tired, too.  Then, I sat down and prayed, called my grandmother for some encouragement (I just needed to hear someone tell me I am a good mom), cried a lot, and after I couldn't cry anymore I turned on some music by Sara Groves.  This song spoke to my heart in a powerful way:

From This One Place By Sara Groves
I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry
took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams
from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else
I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way
take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet
from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

It's wonderful to know that God sees who I am really am - that He sees something else when I'm feeling like I can't do it anymore.  Oh, and did I mention that nap-time is the absolute best?