Undone But Held Up!

The past few weeks of life have been exhausting.  Moving, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, taking care of Stella and the dogs while Tim was gone, our house sale proceeding (and then possibly not proceeding), and our recent overnight stay at a hospital in Massachusetts while visiting my mom.  I'm so tired!

Stella and I decided to surprise my mom for Mother's Day by giving her the only gift we can really afford - a visit from us.  We drove to Cape Cod after church on Sunday, planning to spend a few days with my mom.  Her face as she saw us sitting on her front lawn when she got home from work was priceless.  We spent the afternoon together and, when evening came, we put Stella to bed.  As my mom and I were eating dinner I heard Stella crying.  After she didn't settle and I listened more closely I realized she was crying in a way I had never heard before - it sounded like she was struggling to breathe.  Sure enough, when I got to her bedside, I saw that she was bright red, gasping for air, and full of fear.  My mom identified croup and we headed for the hospital.  She rode in my lap all the way to the ER.  Thank GOD we were with my mother because I would have otherwise had no idea what was happening and panicked.

Once at the ER they administered the saline nebulizer, the epinephrine nebulizer, and then a shot of another steroid...and then another epinephrine nebulizer when the croup returned before the final steroid kicked in...they pulled out all the stops as Stella wasn't responding to the basic treatments.  I cannot describe how difficult and terrifying it is to watch your child struggle to breathe.  They suggested monitoring her throughout the night and I slept with one eye open as she rested in her hospital crib and then on my chest when she woke up crying at 4am.  It was a rough night, but I'm grateful for the fact that I was where I was when it all happened.

I'm undone, but held up.  In the midst of all of this life insanity I've been meditating on the fact that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  God's character is unchanging even though I can't say the same for anything in life right now.  One minute we think our house is selling and everything is going fine and the next minute the buyers are having second thoughts.  One minute we are enjoying a lovely visit with my mom and the next minute Stella is struggling to take a breath.  Thankfully, the character of God is constant.  He is good, just, loving, filled with peace, mercy, grace.  He is a provider, defender, strong tower, my shelter.  He is strong and wonderful.  When all things in this world seem like the absolute antithesis of my Father in Heaven, I'm so thankful that I can count on His character to remain the same.  I'm grateful, too, for a faith that is deep enough to understand that God remains good even when life is hard.

Some day I will post the sweet video of my mom's reaction to our surprise visit.  In the meantime I hold on to that memory and try to keep that moment, which was worth all the craziness that followed, in the forefront of my mind.