True Love.

I'm convinced - there is nothing like a father's love for his daughter.  I cannot get enough of the way Tim loves Stella.  He is such an amazing father to our little girl.  

Uh-Oh!

Look who learned how to take her diaper off...

Needless to say, she will be wearing shorts (even when it's hot) from now on!

Matches Made in Heaven.

A few weeks ago we went to the wedding of Rick and Casey Knight...aren't they a gorgeous couple?

The reception was held at a beautiful country club in Barrington, R.I.  Tim and I kept commenting on how the only thing that ruined the view that evening was the obstructive power lines...what a first world problem!

Here are some funny shots of my honey and me mixed in with some great pictures...in case you can't tell, we're total goofballs!

I look like a mental patient in this one and Tim's hand makes me laugh out loud.

Chase.

Mischief.

We must have been playing right after lunch...

Love the joy spread across her face!

Popularity.

Here at camp I'm frequently zapped back to high school - the remembrances aren't always pleasant.  

Tim and I have been talking frequently about how popularity is like a drug to high school students.  I wish someone had shared that analogy with me when I was 15.  I wish I had spent more time thinking about how God thought of me than how others thought of me.  I am thankful to have a chance to mentor a few girls from the youth group and to challenge them to think about how they view themselves and others.

There is one girl here who really amazes me.  Her heart for others is overwhelming at times.  There are a few kids who are, to be honest, really difficult to love, but this particular girl is able to see past any of the annoying behaviors and love them with the love of Christ.  I want to shake some of the kids who claim to follow God but who consistently ignore the least of these...and then I remember myself in high school and all the times I did the same in my striving to be something different than the person God created me to be.

 

God, please help me to love the way you love.  Please help me to see myself the way you see me.  Please help me to see others the way you see them and to love them. 

Pushing It.

This stretch in the life of my little family has been a crazy one.  Tim has been working harder than ever before, he was gone for a week in New Orleans and then we were both away for a wedding celebration in RI.  We are now in NY at youth group camp and Stella is showing the signs of all this transition.  I'm tired and just hoping that God is using this time in powerful ways that I cannot really see right now.  I know that life needs to settle or we're all going to start to suffer the consequences of too much time away and not enough time as a family.

Speaking of family, a dear friend reminded me today that just being together, here, as a family is a witness of God's love.  I realize that there are just under 60 kids on this trip from our church...and hundreds more from other churches around the U.S...and many, if not most of these kids have never seen a loving marriage and family before in their lives.  I hope that us being here is a witness of God's love and that it will be worth it in the end, because right now I know I'm pushing it.  I look forward to some down time soon.

Happy Independence Day!

Happy 4th from our patriotic girl!

Perspective.

Mother's Day 2011

Hours after this photo was taken, my mom and I were rushing Stella to the Emergency Room.  It wasn't the Mother's Day I had planned, that's for sure.  Stella came down with a serious and sudden case of croup that involved many episodes of severe coughing/difficulty breathing, lots of poking, prodding, nebulizing and injecting, and it finally concluded with us spending the night in the pediatric wing of the hospital for observation.

Oddly enough, when I opened the hospital bill for $1,846.67 (this being the portion our insurance did NOT cover) I was smiling.  You'd think the smile would have been wiped off my face as I read the total, especially since we have no money to cover the bill, but at the time I happened to be watching Stella feed the dogs from her tray of lunch.  Her peals of laughter and complete joy were a gift from God at that precise moment.  I thought to myself, "I would pay all the money in this world to hear that laughter, to see her genuine love of life, and to keep her healthy...and God will provide."

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4: 6-7

Six Years.

I've been married to the love of my life for the past six years.  I met Tim when I was 18 years old - a freshman at UNH in my first semester.  Tim is six years older than me and he was starting grad school that same year.  He sent me an e-mail after our first bible study together telling me how much he appreciated how I shared openly with the group...he said it encouraged others to be transparent, to share honestly.  I absolutely knew I wanted to marry him from that moment on.

Some of the most significant things in the past six years of marriage have been...

Honeymoon in Hawaii

Year One '05-'06:  We married on July 2, 2005.  We honeymooned in Hawaii and Cape Cod.  I almost killed Tim while snorkeling when I crawled on his back because I got so surprised by a sea turtle.  We lived in Durham, NH in a tiny, lofted, one bedroom apt.  We walked to work at UNH and to the gym together, too.  One night, when we were newly married, I got up on my haunches and GROWLED at Tim in my sleep; he was so scared that he woke me up by yelling "HEY!"

me dancing on the UT salt flat

Year Two '06-'07:  We moved to another apartment in Lee, continued working on InterVarsity Staff and adopted our first two dogs - Griffin and Tank.  We traveled across half of the U.S. together on a road trip from Kansas to California and back in a giant circle...I tap-danced on the Salt Flats in UT.  Tim's dad passed away and we miss him so much. 

Tim and I at Adams Point in Durham, NH

Year Three '07-'08  This was our last year together on IV Staff and by the end of this year we were both in new jobs - me at Phillips Exeter Academy (fundraising) and Tim at Bethany Church (youth ministry).  We traveled to France over New Years to visit Tim's family there.  We bought our house in Nottingham, NH.

Tank as a puppy.

Year Four '08-'09:  We lived in community with friends this year and the next in our house.  We suffered the most difficult loss when our beloved dog, Tank, was killed in a hit-and-run accident outside our front door.  We learned how to love each other in the midst of grief and loss.

Year Five '09-10:  We adopted our dog, Caroline.  I became pregnant in the summer of '09 and Tim waited on me hand-and-foot alongside our house-mates.  We prepared for the arrival of our daughter, Stella, in April of '10.  This changed our life in the best way!  We re-discovered life as a small family after our daughter was born.  We tried to refinance and then sell our house in anticipation of me staying at home - all to no avail.  We renewed our vows in celebration of year five of marriage.

Year Six '10-11:  We lost our house to foreclosure and we joyfully moved back to into an apartment in Newmarket (where we probably should have been all along!).  We watch Stella grow like a weed before our eyes.  We minister alongside each other and continue to learn to love one another.  We travel together to Maryland, Virginia, New York, and Cape Cod to visit family...and who knows what's next.

Tim, you are my best friend.  I truly thought I couldn't love you any more than I did when I first met you at age 18;  Over ten years later, the bulk of it we've spent together, I love you more each day.  You are an absolutely amazing husband, father, and pastor.  I admire you, I respect you, I look up to you, and I count on you.  Thank you for choosing me and showing me each day how Jesus loves His Bride.

You See Something Else.

I love being a mom.  This is where I'm meant to be in my life and I know it with all I have in me.  But today I hit the end of my rope. 

The dogs were pulling me on our walk and Stella was in the baby backpack pulling my hair over and over again...HARD...I felt like I couldn't show her "gentle" one more time.  I lost my patience, raised my voice and grabbed her wrist.  She cried.  I got home and she was in a full meltdown after breakfast with another very dirty diaper.  I held it together until she fell asleep for her nap three hours earlier than normal - she was tired, too.  Then, I sat down and prayed, called my grandmother for some encouragement (I just needed to hear someone tell me I am a good mom), cried a lot, and after I couldn't cry anymore I turned on some music by Sara Groves.  This song spoke to my heart in a powerful way:

From This One Place By Sara Groves
I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry
took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams
from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else
I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way
take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet
from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

It's wonderful to know that God sees who I am really am - that He sees something else when I'm feeling like I can't do it anymore.  Oh, and did I mention that nap-time is the absolute best?

God's Grace.

This week has been challenging.  Tim is away in New Orleans, serving with the youth of Bethany Church to continue rebuilding post Hurricane Katrina.  The last time he went away was right after we moved to Newmarket and I knew it would be easier this time since our life feels more settled; however, it's still not ideal.  I am reminded each time he goes away that this is some mom's reality all the time...she doesn't have a partner to share the responsibilities of raising a child/children...she doesn't get a break.  I have had to tell myself over and over to be thankful that it's only a week, that my best friend is coming home so soon.

God's grace has been evident in so many ways.  My mom came to spend time with us and it was a great visit.  I've met with friends and spent time catching up on things I wouldn't have otherwise.  Our new neighbors made me dinner last night and we stayed up talking until 11pm (oh, the college days when we were just getting started at this time...alas, 11pm is now LATE at night)...AND they are super excited to watch Griffin while we go to camp in a few weeks.  Grammy Susan came to the rescue again and took Stella for the afternoon yesterday.  I know there are many people who wouldn't attribute these things to God's grace, but I do...I see God in the smallest to the biggest moments of life and I'm thankful for the way He provides for my daily needs.